When the Anger Burns

Hey y'all! 

I know I’ve been MIA these past few weeks, but I cannot wait to share all that I’ve been up to. God has so graciously blessed me with a sweet friend who happens to know all things regarding tech/website design.  In addition, He blessed me with another delightful friend who is a graphic artist. Accident or design? DESIGN. It’s amazing how things line up just so and I cannot wait to show y’all what we’re working on in the upcoming months!

It feels good to get back into my regular writing again. Sweets & Sandals brought a wonderful opportunity to stand in front of an amazing crowd of women.  But I sure do love writing to my "Little White Dress" gals, too! Thank you so much for your love and patience (grin).

So, where were we? Oh, twenty-five and divorced. Yep, that is right. The divorce decree came in the mail and I was officially a divorcee with my world turned upside down.  Whew, I am so thankful that now I can write those words without pain. Remind me later to tell you WHO made that possible.

I decided to go visit some friends for the weekend simply to get away. While I was gone, I found out that my now ex-husband was publicly in a relationship with someone else just days after the divorce was final. Photos and FB posts gave way to their relationship and at that point, I was L-I-V-I-D. Girlfriends, if Webster had a stronger word for enraged, I was that. Fire burned through my veins as I tried to process what I had just seen. He what? How could he? Why? WHAT!

Before I go any farther, I want you to understand that God could have saved my marriage. The God I believe in is the Author of Time, the Creator of the Universe, the Magnificent Healer and the Great I Am. God heard every prayer and plea to save my marriage, but my husband simply didn’t want God to, so he proceeded on with the divorce. Trust me when I tell you that it is God’s desire to save relationships and mend broken homes and hearts. We simply need willing hearts to let God do the work.

“I’m calling my ex right NOW,” was my first thought. “He needs to hear that I know the truth now,” was the ache in my heart. Thankfully, I never picked up the phone. Instead I took a deep aching breath and headed up stairs for a hot shower as I tried to cool off. I’ll never forget the way I felt and the agony that burned through me as I leaned against the wall in utter defeat. In reality, there was no retaliation that would bring justice to this hurt. I could call and complain, I could tell the world how big of a jerk I thought he was, or even fly to Arkansas and push over his beloved motorcycle. But nothing I could come up with would ultimately bring justice and peace in my heart.

So what did I do? I prayed. I beat my fist against the wall at how unfair everything was as I cried for God to take it all away. I didn’t paint the motorcycle pink (although occasionally I regret that…just kidding!) or rent a billboard splashed with the words I felt. Some would say I took the high road, but the truth is I did the only thing that I knew could truly help me. I prayed to God, the Great I Am, and asked Him to ease this anguish for me. Make no mistake, the anger didn’t instantly subside, nor did great wisdom come upon me at once, but I did have some amazing friends day after day remind me of the importance to simply leave well enough alone. To let go and let God.

Day by day, week by week, the anger went away, and so did the fierceness of the agony. I had to be intentional about asking God to protect my heart from any lingering and long-lasting anger or bitterness. The fact was that I had every right to be upset and angry. What I didn’t have the right to do was hold on to and harbor those emotions in my heart and soul. Some might think that prayer was a wimpy way out of the situation, but instead it was a powerful choice. Two years later looking back – it was the right choice. As the story unfolds a bit more, letting go and letting God was the best decision I have ever made.

Promise to write sooner rather than later! The next post will pick up about how “Her Little White Dress” came along. Lots of love!

xoxo

Jes

“Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.” Ephesians 4:26-27 (The Message)

“So humble yourself under the mighty power of the Lord and at the right time, He will lift you up. Give all your worries and cares to God for He cares about you.” 1 Peter 5: 6-7

“Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the work of salvation the Lord will bring you today. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”
Exodus 14:13a-14

A Sweets & Sandals Thank You!

THANK YOU! Thank you so much for coming to Sweets & Sandals Girls Night last Thursday. It was such a great evening and really good to see everyone! If you missed it, here are a few photos: 

Lots of sweets and delicious desserts!

Little White Dress magnets...a little reminder of God's grace!

Our verse for the night was Matthew 11:28 when Jesus said, "Come to me all of you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest." The rest Jesus refers to is a feeling of inner peace no matter the situation. Whether life brings joy, sorrow, loneliness or excitement, it is God's rest through Jesus Christ that give us a confidence and a settling of the heart to continue to move forward even though the toughest of situations.

It was such a delight to have the opportunity to share my story of God's sweet love with you. While life hasn't turned out exactly how I had planned, I'm confident that I am living out a life that has been so purposefully planned for me. With that, I can find peace and confidence in knowing there's more to this world than just what we see. Praise God for His goodness and grace! 

I still have plenty of dress magnets! If you wanted one and didn't get to grab a couple, please post a comment below and I'll bring you one or drop a few in the mail.

Hope to see you at the next Sweets & Sandals Girls Night on July 25th!

Much love,

xoxo

Jes

Sweets & Sandals

Come join us for GIRLS NIGHT this Thursday, June 27th at 7:00p for Sweets & Sandals at Daybreak Church in Carlsbad.

Wear your flip-flops, bring a sweet treat and come as you are! It's an evening that will warm your soul and put a smile on your face. So if you're free, please join us! I've been given the opportunity to speak and share my full story of Her Little White Dress. 

It would be great to see your sweet faces and please consider this an invitation to bring a friend as well. You don't have to go to Daybreak or another church to attend this event--it's open to all ladies! If you have any questions or need directions send me an email at jessica.delinde@gmail.com or FB me. Hope to see you Thursday!

Much love,
xoxo
Jes


Daybreak Church

6515 Ambrosia Lane

Carlsbad, CA 92011

http://www.daybreakchurch.org/

You've Got Mail!

Hey y'all! 

As I write to tell you more about the summer of 2011, I find myself dealing with some of the same familiar feelings of rejection and loss. Those feelings reminded again me of how dependent I was on God’s supernatural strength to get up and out of bed in the mornings, to fall asleep at night, to eat, to exercise and to fight off paralyzing emotions and feelings of insecurity. I battled those things one prayer at a time, one day at a time, with God’s truth and love found in the Bible.

Although I slept much better last week than I did that summer, I still found myself drowning in thoughts of inadequacy, despair, and feelings of loneliness and rejection. They were consuming my head and I begged God for some encouragement and truth to get the lies out of my heart. Thankfully, I remembered a verse that I had seen a few days before. 

“But I trust in God's unfailing love; my heat rejoices in His salvation. I will sing to the Lord for He has been good to me.” Psalms 13:5-6

 

Those words are true! I do trust in God’s unfailing love. I believe that God is who He says He is in the Bible. 

   

I'm grateful to have a placed saved for me in heaven through Jesus Christ’s death on the cross.

 

I am thankful for all of my many blessings. God has been good to me. 

 

 Whew, truth! Just what I needed for my heart to settle. The encouragement came through a phone call from my sweet cousins (just calling because they wanted to talk to Aunt Jes!) and a crazy, funny (hey y'all!) email from a friend that brightened my day. Sometimes we have to ask to be reminded of the truth. It's okay to ask God to show us how much He loves us AND to ask our friends and family for help when we need it most. One of the BIGGEST blessings of my life also happened that summer of 2011 … when I asked and God provided.

In mid-July of 2011, I found out the judge had signed all of the divorce decree documents and it was just a matter of a week or two before I received my copy in the mail. I dreaded going to the post office and I hated the fact that going to check my mail was making me sick to my stomach. Ugh. But the worst part of it all is that I LOVE getting mail! (I mean, who doesn't?!) So I had this idea! I emailed my friends and family for a favor and asked them to send me some mail – a note, a care package, the Sunday comics —anything fun and lighthearted so that when I opened that little post office box, the good outweighed the bad. And let me tell you …that idea worked!

The first time I went to check my mail after sending that email, my mailbox was stuffed full! I pulled out letters and postcards from across the country! It was UNBELIEVABLE!

I could hardly believe my eyes! I cried all the way back home to the apartment ... and the divorce decree wasn’t even in there! I was overwhelmed with love from my family and friends who had sent mail. Cards of encouragement and love came each time I opened my post office box for the next two weeks and when the divorce decree finally arrived, it didn’t seem to hurt as much as I had anticipated.

We don’t have to do this life alone. God’s love is always enough! Sometimes His love comes from an indescribable peace, confidence and a smile, or in a "thinking of you!" text message from a friend, an unexpected act of kindness from a stranger or a sweet embrace. God puts people in our lives for a reason. Let them love on you, pray for you, and help you need you need it most. That's why we have family and friends!

Thank you so much to everyone who sent cards and letters that summer. I promise never forget the love you showed and the precious words I read. Thank you! Thank you! 

 

Much, much love,

 xoxo

Jes

“Because of God’s unfailing love, we are not consumed. For His compassion never fails.” Lamentations 3:22

“But I call to God and the Lord saves me.” Psalm 55:16 

The Arkansas Trip: Part 2

Hey y'all! 

Jumping right back into the Arkansas Trip, the other big prayer that God answered was the miracle of forgiveness. The ability to forgive my husband for the hurt and pain was a pure miracle and gift from God. As Christians, we are commanded to be compassionate and forgive each other just as Christ Jesus forgave us. (Ephesians 4:32). The good Lord knows, I’ve needed much forgiveness and I am responsible to extend that same grace to those around me….those who love me, who adore me, AND those who have hurt me.

Forgiveness, for cryin’ out loud. That word stinks sometimes … and other times it has never sounded so sweet.

At first I didn't have the "want to" to forgive him. He hurt me and the covenant in OUR marriage had just willingly been broken. There was betrayal and pain … mess ups and mistakes. But I knew I had to honor the forgiveness I've received in my life (I believe God has forgiven me of everything I've ever done wrong, or bad or mean in my life through Jesus' death on the cross) and I had to forgive as well.

Sometimes our feelings and emotions don't line up with what we are supposed to do. If I had waited for when "I felt like it,” then that forgiveness may have never come.  But thankfully it did. Through the sweet and gentle Spirit of God, I committed that I would be obedient to God by forgiving my husband for the hurt and pain his decisions caused. I hope and pray he’s been able to forgive me as well. (It takes two, remember?!)  

Some days were better than others, but let me tell you it was TOUGH! The heartache didn't instantly go away once I decided to forgive him. It almost made it hurt a little worse because in my head it felt okay to justify why I was holding onto the pain. But deep down, I knew that as long as I held onto that grudge of bitterness, heartache, rejection and disappointment, it would control me…and those were things I did not want to be characterized by. It’s hard to think that emotions can control our lives, but resentment and bitterness do just that in the meanest and most subtle way. They take the joy out of living, damage relationships, harden hearts and suck the life right out of you and those around you.

To be honest, I think my husband could have cared less if I forgave him or not. He had moved on and I was the only one standing in the way of myself at that point. A girlfriend told me that “forgiveness is like taking your hand off of the other person’s throat.” Whoa. Let that mental picture sink in for a minute. Forgiveness is an on-going process and is a necessary one in order to get on with life and move forward.

I could write so much more, but if you get one thing out of this post, it’s this: forgiveness is freedom. I know, it’s easy to justify and argue the truth when you have evidence of someone hurting you, but it’s not all about us sometimes. (That last statement has gotten me a time or two.) God has bigger plans for each of us, but He needs us to let go of things, so that He can do His perfect work. It’s hard, trust me, I know! Please know that I’m not down-playing any hurt or pain that someone might have caused you. Painful heartaches, rejection, and disappointment are all real and forgiveness doesn’t always instantly make things better or easier. But God DOES heal all wounds and will make things better. We just need to let Him.

If you’re still unsure about this forgiveness thing, take a look at this message titled, “I’ve got a friend who…can’t seem to forgive someone.”   It has some great and powerful truths in it.

Forgiveness through God's grace has been the most instrumental piece in the healing of my heart and the ability to move forward with my life. Without it, I don't know where I'd be today. 

Love ya tons! Will write soon.

xoxo,

Jes

Praying that God will soften our hearts to forgive others. God forgave us and I pray that through His almighty power, we will too. Don't let something in the past hinder you from enjoying the present or from the excitement God has planned for your future.

 “In Jesus we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace.” Ephesians 1:6-8

“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” Colossians 3:12-14

 “I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.” Luke 7:46-48

The Arkansas Trip: Part 1

Hey y’all!

Please forgive me for the delayed post!  I’ve been out of town this past week and I’m working to get caught up on everything. I just got back from Arkansas where I attended my baby brother’s high school graduation. I can tell you that this is the first time in a while that I wasn’t quite ready to head back to San Diego. At last, it doesn’t hurt to go back (and you’ll soon see why). Arkansas is home and always will be. It’s quite a humbling feeling to know that God would allow such healing in my heart so that I can go home to enjoy my family, friends and all my sweet little blessings back there.

So back to the other Arkansas trip home! That trip was not the glorious adventure that I had hoped. In fact, it was one of the most painful moments of my life. A girl whose heart thought that love could stand against anything in the world was shattered into pieces. And girlfriends, let me tell you something, in the next few lines of this story I pray that I’m careful not to let the enemy get an ounce of glory for the hurt, pain, and devastation the betrayal of divorced caused. Yes, I will acknowledge the real pain and hurt, but I’ll also thank the good Lord for being so much bigger than my circumstances.

When I drove to Arkansas, I hadn’t a clue why my husband wanted a divorce. I knew that his actions and decisions in the past week seemed a bit off, but I couldn’t understand what was going on and I wasn’t sure why or what caused the abrupt change. Before I left to make the 1700 mile drive, my sweet roommate prayed for me and asked God to shine light into the darkness of the unknown. Little did we know that God would powerfully and truthfully answer that prayer, and that He would continue to do so in the years to come.

As I searched for answers, I found that the truth was being revealed to me slowly, in bits and pieces. And thank heavens it was. Because I’m not sure I would have survived as gracefully as I did otherwise!

God answered many of my prayers, not all of them, but many of them. Looking back, I’m thankful there were a few He decided not to answer my way. I’m positive that God knew better … that I didn’t need a big billboard or pink motorcycle in my name! (More on that later.) God revealed answers to my prayers through phone records, a professional counselor that-just-so-happened to return a phone call six weeks later, on the day the divorce petition was filed.  God showed me truth through the deceit, wisdom beyond my years, and family and friends who had my best interests at heart. Even at that point, I wasn’t quite sure what was going on. But I did have a much better idea of it.

Arkansas Trip: Part 2 is soon to follow. I didn’t want to make this post too long, so please expect to see the rest in the next few days.

Much love,

Jes

“To God belongs wisdom and power; counsel and understanding are His. He reveals the deep things of the darkness and bring utter darkness into the light.” Job 12: 13, 22

The Words I Never Wanted to Hear

Oh girlfriends! I am blessed that you’d come back to read more of this story. I’ll jump right into the next chapter as I recently found this in a journal entry from the summer of 2011. It read:

“Ten Things God has taught Jessica Jane”

* He alone is the God Almighty.

* He sustains.

* He never leaves.

* He is faithful to His Word.

* Nothing goes to waste - God uses it all for His glory.

* God is at work all the time.

* He hears prayers.

* He answers them.

* His timing is impeccable.

* God prepares the way.

I share this because even though this little white dress story involves unimaginable heart-breaking pain and betrayal, it also tells of God's sovereignty, redemption, grace andforgiveness. 

In the midst of the tears, the sleepless nights, a heartache that would not go away, the loneliness, pain and disappointment of shattered hopes and dreams, God heard each prayer and cry for strength. He walked with me during the daily battle of a new, unwanted and unmerited future someone else had chosen for me. I prayed. The good Lord answered. God provided and He made a way. 

Two years ago, I was driving across the country in a quest to change my husband’s mind. I had just heard the words, “I'm unhappy and I don’t want to be married anymore” over the phone and I was in a hurry to get home and remind him of our love for eachother. I knew this had to be a mistake. 

After I arrived home to see those bright blue eyes and dirty blonde hair, I still couldn't believe his words. Yet he continued to say them; they were as real as the sun shining that summer day. I was in shock. I questioned his decision. How could this be? We had a good marriage. Counseling could fix this. We could fix this. God could fix this. We could make it through this.

Five days later, we walked into the courthouse and my husband filed for divorce. 

I flew back to San Diego the following weekend numb, in complete disbelief, but hopeful that he might change his mind before the divorce was final. I wanted together forever and happily ever after. 

OK, this girl has to get back to work! I will pick up where I left off in my next post AND fill you in on the details of my trip back home. 

Much love!

xoxo,

Jes

P.S. Is there something that has just rocked your world? Ask God to help you get through it. He will. God will give you the strength and everything you need. The Lord our God is faithful. 

"I cried out to the Lord in my great trouble, and he answered me.” Jonah 2:2 

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope that we profess, for the One who is promised, is faithful." Hebrews 10:23