When the Anger Burns

Hey y'all! 

I know I’ve been MIA these past few weeks, but I cannot wait to share all that I’ve been up to. God has so graciously blessed me with a sweet friend who happens to know all things regarding tech/website design.  In addition, He blessed me with another delightful friend who is a graphic artist. Accident or design? DESIGN. It’s amazing how things line up just so and I cannot wait to show y’all what we’re working on in the upcoming months!

It feels good to get back into my regular writing again. Sweets & Sandals brought a wonderful opportunity to stand in front of an amazing crowd of women.  But I sure do love writing to my "Little White Dress" gals, too! Thank you so much for your love and patience (grin).

So, where were we? Oh, twenty-five and divorced. Yep, that is right. The divorce decree came in the mail and I was officially a divorcee with my world turned upside down.  Whew, I am so thankful that now I can write those words without pain. Remind me later to tell you WHO made that possible.

I decided to go visit some friends for the weekend simply to get away. While I was gone, I found out that my now ex-husband was publicly in a relationship with someone else just days after the divorce was final. Photos and FB posts gave way to their relationship and at that point, I was L-I-V-I-D. Girlfriends, if Webster had a stronger word for enraged, I was that. Fire burned through my veins as I tried to process what I had just seen. He what? How could he? Why? WHAT!

Before I go any farther, I want you to understand that God could have saved my marriage. The God I believe in is the Author of Time, the Creator of the Universe, the Magnificent Healer and the Great I Am. God heard every prayer and plea to save my marriage, but my husband simply didn’t want God to, so he proceeded on with the divorce. Trust me when I tell you that it is God’s desire to save relationships and mend broken homes and hearts. We simply need willing hearts to let God do the work.

“I’m calling my ex right NOW,” was my first thought. “He needs to hear that I know the truth now,” was the ache in my heart. Thankfully, I never picked up the phone. Instead I took a deep aching breath and headed up stairs for a hot shower as I tried to cool off. I’ll never forget the way I felt and the agony that burned through me as I leaned against the wall in utter defeat. In reality, there was no retaliation that would bring justice to this hurt. I could call and complain, I could tell the world how big of a jerk I thought he was, or even fly to Arkansas and push over his beloved motorcycle. But nothing I could come up with would ultimately bring justice and peace in my heart.

So what did I do? I prayed. I beat my fist against the wall at how unfair everything was as I cried for God to take it all away. I didn’t paint the motorcycle pink (although occasionally I regret that…just kidding!) or rent a billboard splashed with the words I felt. Some would say I took the high road, but the truth is I did the only thing that I knew could truly help me. I prayed to God, the Great I Am, and asked Him to ease this anguish for me. Make no mistake, the anger didn’t instantly subside, nor did great wisdom come upon me at once, but I did have some amazing friends day after day remind me of the importance to simply leave well enough alone. To let go and let God.

Day by day, week by week, the anger went away, and so did the fierceness of the agony. I had to be intentional about asking God to protect my heart from any lingering and long-lasting anger or bitterness. The fact was that I had every right to be upset and angry. What I didn’t have the right to do was hold on to and harbor those emotions in my heart and soul. Some might think that prayer was a wimpy way out of the situation, but instead it was a powerful choice. Two years later looking back – it was the right choice. As the story unfolds a bit more, letting go and letting God was the best decision I have ever made.

Promise to write sooner rather than later! The next post will pick up about how “Her Little White Dress” came along. Lots of love!

xoxo

Jes

“Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.” Ephesians 4:26-27 (The Message)

“So humble yourself under the mighty power of the Lord and at the right time, He will lift you up. Give all your worries and cares to God for He cares about you.” 1 Peter 5: 6-7

“Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the work of salvation the Lord will bring you today. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”
Exodus 14:13a-14