The Arkansas Trip: Part 1

Hey y’all!

Please forgive me for the delayed post!  I’ve been out of town this past week and I’m working to get caught up on everything. I just got back from Arkansas where I attended my baby brother’s high school graduation. I can tell you that this is the first time in a while that I wasn’t quite ready to head back to San Diego. At last, it doesn’t hurt to go back (and you’ll soon see why). Arkansas is home and always will be. It’s quite a humbling feeling to know that God would allow such healing in my heart so that I can go home to enjoy my family, friends and all my sweet little blessings back there.

So back to the other Arkansas trip home! That trip was not the glorious adventure that I had hoped. In fact, it was one of the most painful moments of my life. A girl whose heart thought that love could stand against anything in the world was shattered into pieces. And girlfriends, let me tell you something, in the next few lines of this story I pray that I’m careful not to let the enemy get an ounce of glory for the hurt, pain, and devastation the betrayal of divorced caused. Yes, I will acknowledge the real pain and hurt, but I’ll also thank the good Lord for being so much bigger than my circumstances.

When I drove to Arkansas, I hadn’t a clue why my husband wanted a divorce. I knew that his actions and decisions in the past week seemed a bit off, but I couldn’t understand what was going on and I wasn’t sure why or what caused the abrupt change. Before I left to make the 1700 mile drive, my sweet roommate prayed for me and asked God to shine light into the darkness of the unknown. Little did we know that God would powerfully and truthfully answer that prayer, and that He would continue to do so in the years to come.

As I searched for answers, I found that the truth was being revealed to me slowly, in bits and pieces. And thank heavens it was. Because I’m not sure I would have survived as gracefully as I did otherwise!

God answered many of my prayers, not all of them, but many of them. Looking back, I’m thankful there were a few He decided not to answer my way. I’m positive that God knew better … that I didn’t need a big billboard or pink motorcycle in my name! (More on that later.) God revealed answers to my prayers through phone records, a professional counselor that-just-so-happened to return a phone call six weeks later, on the day the divorce petition was filed.  God showed me truth through the deceit, wisdom beyond my years, and family and friends who had my best interests at heart. Even at that point, I wasn’t quite sure what was going on. But I did have a much better idea of it.

Arkansas Trip: Part 2 is soon to follow. I didn’t want to make this post too long, so please expect to see the rest in the next few days.

Much love,

Jes

“To God belongs wisdom and power; counsel and understanding are His. He reveals the deep things of the darkness and bring utter darkness into the light.” Job 12: 13, 22

The Words I Never Wanted to Hear

Oh girlfriends! I am blessed that you’d come back to read more of this story. I’ll jump right into the next chapter as I recently found this in a journal entry from the summer of 2011. It read:

“Ten Things God has taught Jessica Jane”

* He alone is the God Almighty.

* He sustains.

* He never leaves.

* He is faithful to His Word.

* Nothing goes to waste - God uses it all for His glory.

* God is at work all the time.

* He hears prayers.

* He answers them.

* His timing is impeccable.

* God prepares the way.

I share this because even though this little white dress story involves unimaginable heart-breaking pain and betrayal, it also tells of God's sovereignty, redemption, grace andforgiveness. 

In the midst of the tears, the sleepless nights, a heartache that would not go away, the loneliness, pain and disappointment of shattered hopes and dreams, God heard each prayer and cry for strength. He walked with me during the daily battle of a new, unwanted and unmerited future someone else had chosen for me. I prayed. The good Lord answered. God provided and He made a way. 

Two years ago, I was driving across the country in a quest to change my husband’s mind. I had just heard the words, “I'm unhappy and I don’t want to be married anymore” over the phone and I was in a hurry to get home and remind him of our love for eachother. I knew this had to be a mistake. 

After I arrived home to see those bright blue eyes and dirty blonde hair, I still couldn't believe his words. Yet he continued to say them; they were as real as the sun shining that summer day. I was in shock. I questioned his decision. How could this be? We had a good marriage. Counseling could fix this. We could fix this. God could fix this. We could make it through this.

Five days later, we walked into the courthouse and my husband filed for divorce. 

I flew back to San Diego the following weekend numb, in complete disbelief, but hopeful that he might change his mind before the divorce was final. I wanted together forever and happily ever after. 

OK, this girl has to get back to work! I will pick up where I left off in my next post AND fill you in on the details of my trip back home. 

Much love!

xoxo,

Jes

P.S. Is there something that has just rocked your world? Ask God to help you get through it. He will. God will give you the strength and everything you need. The Lord our God is faithful. 

"I cried out to the Lord in my great trouble, and he answered me.” Jonah 2:2 

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope that we profess, for the One who is promised, is faithful." Hebrews 10:23

A Little Introduction with A Little Life Interruption!

Hey y'all!

It's time for a little introduction to this story I've been talking about. I’m beginning this right as I’m in the middle of Priscilla Shirer's Bible study, Jonah: Navigating a Life Interrupted, which talks about the privilege of having God "interrupt"or divinely intervene in your life. The truth is that God doesn't need us to complete the good work He planned long ago, but He chooses to use us in His purposeful and eternal plan. When my life was abruptly interrupted two years ago, I did not think it was a privilege at all. To that date in my life, it was the. worst. thing. ever! Ever! And today, while it is still an unfortunate life-changing event, God has used much of it for His good. And I am privileged that God would use it for His glory.

So back to the story ... about the little white dress. Almost seven years ago I stood in front of family and friends in my childhood country church vowing to love and honor the man standing beside me until death do us part. I was thrilled to be his bride and we went on to make many sweet and fun memories over the next five years. God truly blessed us as a young couple and ALWAYS provided for us. It wasn't pure bliss every moment, but it sure was good. God gave us each great families, amazing friends, and a wonderful church community ... the things that truly count in this life. So when the “worst. thing.ever” happened, it was absolutely devastating.

We were in the process of moving back to our hometown.  He went a few weeks ahead of me while I wrapped up loose ends at my current job. Things were tight and a bit tough, but nothing we couldn't stand. And besides, God had answered so many of our prayer requests leading up to this point - from a place to rent, to college acceptance,scholarship money, easy pack-up and move, a temporary post office box, to income and unemployment - divorce never once crossed my mind.Yet it came fast and furious. Almost a month and half after the answered prayers and the move, I found myself divorced. Just like that.

Please know that as I tell you this story, I fully believe it takes two. It takes two to make a marriage and two to break a marriage. I had to sign the papers just like he did. Regardless of who filed, we both have ownership in the dissolution of that sacred covenant ... and I thank God the story doesn't end there.

But right now, I’ve got to get to bed. I promise to pick up where I left off in my next post!

Love, 

Jes

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good work, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:6 

"And we know that in all things God works out for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 

My First Post -- Welcome Y'all!

Hey y'all!

I write you with pure, anxious loving excitement that this is finally coming to light. And let me tell you, I've been talking about wanting to write a blog F-O-R-E-V-E-R! It's been awesome to see it slowly fall into place--a graphic artist girlfriend for the logo, lots of love and prayer, gals that actually want to read my written words, a prayerful proof-reader, a heart that's ready to share--all of it and more. Please let me say THANK YOU for taking a moment to read about my story. It's a good one alright! God has been so faithful. I hope and pray from the bottom of my heart that Paul's words from Colossians 2:2-3 come true through this blog.

"I want you to be encouraged in heart and united by love; so much so, that you will have confidence in God's mysterious plan, which is Jesus Christ himself. In Him lie all the hidden treasures of wisdom and knowledge."

And I want God  to get all the glory for healing this broken heart and saving a girl from being so messed-up and lost. Thank goodness He has a better plan for me than I do...and I look forward to telling you my story of the girl who wore that little white dress over the next several posts.
Lots of love!
xoxo,
Jes

P.S. Say a prayer for me! It's a bit nerve-wrenching to be vulnerable with such dear spots in my heart. Keep praying God will get the glory and at least one sweet gal reading this post will be encouraged.